Kimpoi

There came a time in my life where i answer “NO” to this question. It’s because i thought it only exist in movies, novels and in our mind. I believed it wont last a lifetime.

Maybe because of my past and of what i see around us nowadays, like war, misunderstandings and hearing how my friends cry because of their broken relationships but i realize it doesnt mean love is really gone, for it comes from oneself. It is always there inside us waiting for its chance and time to grow so we can share it with other people like our family and friends because admit it or not, when we heard the world LOVE - it only pertains to a one special perosn but dont you think its kinda selfish?

But i guess thats a ussual reaction for we define love in many different ways like love is kind, love is blind, love is pure blah! blah! blah! blah! but hey! it only comes up to three words, its trust, care and acceptance.

This is dedicated to all single ladies out there who might feel alone, and to let us remember to appreciate the people who really care about us

Bakit ba kailangan na masaktan ang puso kong ito. Sa iyong paglisan hapdi ang syang naramdaman. Hindi na ba maibabalik ang lahat ng ating nakaraan (hindi na). Dahil ba sa huli na ang lahat sa iyoy paalam.

Sa pagkawala ng relasyon na aking iningatan na ngayon ko lang naramdaman at naranasan. Ang umibig ng lubos at ibigay ko ang lahat. Tinatanong saking sarili kung hindi pa ba sapat ang lahat ng ginawa ko para lamang sa iyo. Bakit kailangang mangyari pa ang mga ganito. Pilit na inaalala mga bagay na nangyari saking puso at sa isip kalungkutan ang naghari. At naghiwalay tayo na di manlang nagkapagusap. Hanggang sa huling sandali wala ng pangungusap na lumalabas sa labi mo na gusto kong malaman kung bakit nagkaganto at bakit mo ko iniwanan. Sinira mo ang tiwala at akoy tinalikuran. Bakit kailangan kong masaktan sa iyong paglisan.

Lumipas nga ang panahon at mga sandaling wala ka di na ko umasang babalik ka pa pagkat wala na ngang pagasa kahit na akoy magsisi at lumuha di na mabilang ang tubig na ipinatak sa lupa. Gustuhin ko man na ibalik hindi na maaari pagkat sa puso ko meron na nagmamayari. At alam ko na mahal niya ako. Tiniis ko ang sakit at di na kita pinigilan. Ilang beses kong niloko ang sarili kong ito na kaya kong mabuhay kahit na wala sa piling mo. Ngunit hindi parin sapat ang maging manhid na lang upang itago ang nadarama tuluyang maibsan. Nadama ko na may kulang pa sa king pagtayo. Yun ay di ko maabot dahil sa iyong paglayo. Alam kong di mo na pakikinggan kahit na isigaw. Walang ibang kulang sa buhay ko mahal kundi ikaw.

Bakit kailangang humantong sa hiwalayan ang lahat. Ang nangyari sa relasyon natiy hindi ko matanggap. Hindi ako nagkamali at nagkulang sayo sinta. Ngunit anong isinukli iniwan mong nagiisa.

Naghiwalay tayo na kapwa may samaan ng loob. Bat di man lang ako nakaangat sa aking paglubog. Hanggang sa huling sandali di man lang nakapag paalam. Katagang nais sabihin di ko man lang nabitawan. Na sanay magiingat ka sa lahat ng sandali. Di na ko muling hahabol at magbabakasakali na maibalik ang dati at makapiling sa twina ang isang katulad mo pagkat wala na ngang pagasa. At hindi talaga tayo ang itinakda kaya ang pagsasama natin ay maagang nagtapos. Bakit kailangan ko pang masaktan sa iyong paglisan. Di ko lubos maisip bat ganto ang kapalaran.

Sanay malaman mo na wala na kong ibang inibig kundi ang katulad mo. Ngayon tapos na ang lahat, salamat sapagkat naging bahagi ka ng buhay ko.

I love you so much but i guess you dont understand how much i care. Everything weve been through. I’ve always stayed by your side but i guess you dont see that. As much as it hurts deep inside i have to let you go cause ive shed my last tear.

Where do i go from here now. It took us one hell of awhile. Tell me how we fell apart. When i gave you my all from the start. You were my angel, you and me together. We were untouchable but when you let time play its role it becomes unpredictable.  Everything was changing. Lies, rumors. Everything inside me rearranging. No more facin hard decisions in my life in a twisted situation but i gotta wonder why. Tell me why did it have to be this way. Its best that we go our separate ways. I tried to fight it the way i feel for you but this pain wont let me go. If you only could try to see but i guess this love was just not meant to be. Though it seems love was our destiny. You could not love me the way that i love you.

I shed my tear with you. I cried my last cry with you.

to be continue ………………..

Take a look at what you have. Think of the things you did to get it.  Remember it takes only one second to loose it. Sometimes what you want isnt always what you get, but in the end what you get is so much better than what you wanted.

The most cruel thing a person can do is to forbid someone from saying “i love you” to the one you love yet it is more cruel to force one to say “i love you not” to the one you love most. To love is to risk not bein loved in return. To hope is to risk. To try is to risk failure but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you were not paying attention before. It hurts to see your lost love walk past you with another girl, its even worst to know that you made a mistake in letting him go.

I was finally getting over you and actually believing i didnt need you. I was finally accepting the fact that you had another girl. Then you smiled at me and ruined it all. Do not ever give up if you still want to try. Dont ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Dont ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Dont ever say you love him if you cant ever let him go.

How can i forget you if youre always on my mind?  How can i not want you when youre all i want inside?  How can i let you go when i cant see us apart? How can i not love you when you control my heart? I thought that by telling myself and everyone else that i hated you. That sooner or later i would come to believe it but now i realized that it makes me want you even more.

Letting go of someone is really hard but holding to someone who doesnt even  feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesnt mean that youre weak. It only means that you are strong enough to let go.

One day you will love me the way that i love you, one day you will think of me the way i thought of you. One day you will cry for me just like the way i cried for you, one day you will want me but i wont want you.

You hurt me more than i deserve, how can you be so cruel?  I love you more than you deserve , why am i such a fool?

Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you but they dont even think of you but worst when you thought you didnt want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you cant live without them. Days continue to pass, stars continue to shine. Someday well know if love can move a mountain. Someday well know why i wasnt meant for you.

Sa simula it was great. He gives you everything. He makes you feel so important. He calls you every minute, texts you every second and wants to see you everyday but the moment you gave your “i do” the sweet “yes” everything transforms into nightmare.  Hes not the sweet guy you knew. Not the guy who courted you.

The first month was great. He’s still the prince charming you thought. Your knight shining armor. He greats you good morning, tells you that hes so lucky to have you in his life and the “iloveyou” word is always there and the “takecare”. Hes loving you and giving you the world. Everytime youre together he doesnt want the day to end so that you will be together forever. Naks! Napakasarap!

BUT…………………………………………………. as time goes by you will realize that somethings wrong. Somethings different. Somethings not right. He doesnt greet you everymorning. No more text worst of all no more “iloveyou” and “takecare”. Everytime you text him he would always say that hes busy with work doing something important and lots of allibyes. Before you can use his phone even without permission and now hes phone has lock code and everytime you borrow his phone he makes reasons and stuff.

During the courting he always tells me how hurt he was when his x played on him. How sad and depressed he was when he knew that his past gf’s cheated and lied on him. He even promised that hes afraid to cheat and lie because he is afraid of karma.

Im so sad right now… Cant think right and im fighting what im feeling. I dont know how long can i take this… Its going to be hard again to start from the top…

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer’s office.
Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.

Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story….
This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.

They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there’s nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce….

Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..

While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband..
“I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore, I’m sorry..”
“Its o.k, i understand..” said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..

At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.
The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady..”take this, its your favourite..”

Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer..”
This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, dont you know that i hate drumsticks?”

Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband’s favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drummsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.

That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn…after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her “i love you”…

He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number….ringing never stops..he never stop dialing….

On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these years, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore….phone’s ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him…”whats the point of talking now that its over…i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face..”she thought…still ringing…she have decided to pull out the cord…

Little did she remember, he have heart problems…

The next day, she received news that he had passed away…she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone…he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line….

As sad as she could be…she will have to clear his belongings…when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her… And together in those file, there was this note…

“To my dearest wife, by the time you’re reading this, I’m sure I’m no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that i have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know Iwill always be around, by your side… I love you”

Tears flowed like river……

“When you love someone, let them know… You never know what will happen the next minute…. Learn to build a life together.. Learn to love each other. For who they are.. not what they are…”

 Erin Gruwell. The author of Freedom Writers.

I waited 3 days just to watch this movie. I even wrote it to my post it and alarmed my phone to remind me to watch this movie.

The movie was about a teacher who touched her students heart and made a change to their lives. A changed that made the students realized right from wrong. She taught them to make choices, choices that would really affect their future. She even taught the students to open their heart and forgive and trust not just their own race but also to other races.

I admired her for what she did. She is considered as a hero and i consider her as a hero. This story tells us that we can help anyone. A small way of help can result on a big thing and could affect the future. 

We can touch anyone’s life even if we are not a teacher. We don’t need to be a politician, celebrity, someone famous or rich just to help people. Money is important in life but that’s not everything. Teaching, educating and listening to people can make a big change to their lives. All we need is to help each other in anyways.   

Everyday is a new challenge for each and everyone of us. Its up to us on how we face the challenges.

We should always be reminded that we were created by our Creator in different colors, different physique, different languages but created with the same purpose 

2. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

3. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.

4. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.

5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

6. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

7. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

8. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

9. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.

10. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

11. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

12. Shopping is not a sport.

13. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

14. You have enough clothes.

15. You have too many shoes.

16. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.

17. Your brother is an idiot, you ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.

18. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.

19. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

20. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

21. Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes — What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

22. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

23. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

24. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.

25. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

26. Check you oil.

27. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

28. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

29. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.

30. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

31. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

33. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done — not both.

35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

36. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.

37. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

39. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazine.

40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

AND FINALLY, THE NUMBER ONE RULE:
1. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

Damn. I just keep thinking about you. I mean I want to move on. Its like you have some kind of hold on me. But Im a go ahead and talk about it.

Im sitting, looking out the window. Trying to fix this situation thats at hand. You still running through my mind when im knowing that you shouldnt be. Me all on your mind and im knowing that it couldnt be. I still got a lot of pain. I aint dealt with it all. Im single and they loving it. Im liking it but I just want the one that I was inlove with. Thats not the end of it. Im trying to let you know you got a hold or some kind of control of me. I dont know what it is but I got to get you gone from me. Im working at it and it aint getting no better. Instead of staring out this glass looking at this bad weather damn I got to pull myself together.

When im with somebody all I think is about you. When im all alone thats all I want to do. I miss the smiling faces in my sidekick. All the time we spent together makes it hard to get you out of my system. Im too attached my heart wont let me fall back. I got it bad thats what you call that. When I see you thats the worst for me. Used to love the little things you did, thats what works for me. Its too major, dont see you in my phone. Know what youre doing, where you at, or can I see you later. The fellas telling me “Just let him go, kim”. Believe me Im trying I just dont know how.

Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Youve been running throung my mind all day can you feel me. Ive been trying to get you off my mind but I cant after all this time. Thats what kills me. I remember everything that me and you talked about and if I could, I would turn back the hands of time and correct all my mistakes that I ever did. But know I guess I got to move on, right? Its still hard and I still love you.